I took a rather extended hiatus from the Warrior Goddess Training, at least the writing about it. I did get the workbook. Then promptly left it sitting on a shelf for a few months.
It’s dug out now, and I have gone back to the beginning.
The first lesson is all to do with the commitments we make to ourselves, for good and for bad. And the first exercise is one that I really don’t want to do. Which is probably a good sign that I need to do it.
I’m talking about looking at myself in a mirror for a few minutes each day. Letting the self-talk flow over me and seeing where I am running myself down, and ways I can change that voice into one more positive.
Here is what I wrote in my journal the first night, just thinking about doing the exercise. Before I actually got around to doing the looking.
Mirror Gazing 1.1
Since 2014, for over 2 years now, I have lived in a home that does not have mirrors in it. My only glimpses of my face are when I happen to use the vanity mirror in the car, or when I use the camera function on either my laptop or phone, or kindle. And also, I have found when I am looking into a blank monitor waiting for a device to boot up. Yeah, I get it – opportunities are there, I just choose not to take them.
I don’t miss the mirror. I don’t miss the negative messages that I would tell myself when I looked into a mirror either. Since I don’t wear any make-up, I don’t need a mirror for that purpose.
What do I see? I see lines. I see a fat, round face with lots of discolouration – that’s not dirt. There are patches of hyper-pigmentation on my forehead and cheeks that are most likely caused by medications I take for arthritis.
The other week, quite by chance, I was having breakfast with a friend and her three year old son. He was playing with her phone, and managed to take several pictures of his hand, his eye, the table, and in the midst of all those images, there was a gem.
He had taken a photo of me sitting across the table. My friend sent it to me and I’ve kept it.
In the photo, I see me. Warts and all. And, I look happy and content. Calm.
I think what I most see when I look at this image of me is a woman who is finally growing into her true self. I see a woman who is truly happy.