Since making a commitment to doing the Warrior Goddess Training work, I have read the first chapter and begun finding my answers to some of the guiding questions and tasks.
Just at a time when I found myself getting caught up in “wanting to do it perfect” the Fates intervened with a bid to reread “The Gospel of Falling Down” by Mark Townsend. So, here I am now sharing with you what I have discovered so far.
I am not yet through doing the work for the first chapter, But a commitment to share my journey means sharing the steps I am taking, not the final destination once I think I have reached it. (And we all know that in work like this, the destination is never truly reached.)
I picked out some quotes from the first chapter which spoke to me.
We commit to who we think we should be rather than committing to meeting ourselves where we are. We commit to seeing ourselves through other people’s eyes, gauging our self-worth based on their acceptance, rather than witnessing our unique inner beauty and strength. We commit to being nice rather than being real, or we commit to being right rather than being vulnerable. And when people in our lives don’t behave the way we think they should, we sulk and mope, or worse, we get even.
Committing to your true, authentic Warrior Goddess self is the beginning of a lifelong journey of living in authenticity.
The keystone of committing to yourself is very simple: Learn to love all of who you are, flaws and all. Doing this, however, can be a difficult thing. You commit to yourself to the same extent that you are willing to release the past and any ideas that you are holding that you “should” be different that you are at this moment. Our deepest healing occurs when we learn to be our own best friend.
Old view: Power is defined by how you look, how much money you make, who you are dating/married to, and how you are progressing on your career track.
New view: From a Warrior Goddess point of view, power is defined very differently. Power is not sought after from the outside, but rather is patiently cultivated from with. Power has nothing to do with money, or fame, or outside appearances, but with our connection to self, love, authenticity, and the inner mystery of life.
When we create a life based on what we think we are supposed to do rather than from our own heart’s desire, we always feel like something is missing, that we are not quite free.
It’s time to be honest about what your definition of power has been, and then letting it go.
What are my ingrained thoughts on and reactions to personal power?
- Power is something held over others and used to control them.
- Power is held by others but not by me.
- People in authority, or who I perceive to be in authority over me, must like and approve of me.
- I will do anything I have to do in order to control another person’s perception of me, so that I can get their approval. Generally, this means changing who I am to fit what I think the other person wants. His likes become my likes. He interests become my interests.
- I am constantly gauging another person’s reactions to what I am saying, and changing my words when I sense they don’t agree.
- Standing in your power means being angry. Anger leads to a fear response. Power through fear and intimidation. I can’t claim my power because I don’t want to be like this.
- People who claim their own power are egotistical.
- It is not acceptable to outwardly claim your own power.
I am now doing work on my own and with help from others on redefining these definitions and thought processes. As part of this, I drew a card from a friend’s Faerie Oracle Deck.
The card drawn was the card of Illusion. Illusions brought to you, and the illusions we create for ourselves. This card spoke to me on two levels. With illusions of the heart, it spoke to me of the illusions which I had created and had a vested interest in maintaining through my now ended marriage. I had recognised that he had lived in a fantasy world, and his real world. In my ex’s case his fantasy world was the world where he had a wife and children, was a loving husband and father, and a good provider. His real world was the one he created online.
In taking this card, I began to recognise the illusions which I too had held. Illusions which had to be burnt away in order to get me out of an abusive marriage.
After meditating further on this card of illusions, it spoke to me once again on another level:
Realise the barriers which keep you from claiming your power are all illusions.
It is not enough though to just say – I don’t want these illusions any longer, so go away now! I need to honour these illusions before releasing them because it is these illusions which helped me to survive up until now. They kept me safe and sane in an unsafe and insane world.
Until next time.